time to bug you later on

but no seriously, I know exactly how you feel, except, you'd be giving in to yourself, and everyone knows that you don't really wanna die. you just wanna be happy and get everything you've ever wanted.

I haven't really told anyone this, except the stupid Serbian, but I disappeared off the face of the earth for literally two weeks because I got sent to a crisis center for cutting myself. I literally went mad crazy and after being there, it made me think that there are actually people that cared about me, even the people that wanted to abandon me at the time because I was deemed "unhealthy". it's been roughly a year and a month since that happened but it made me realize that even though my mom (who's literally from the motherland and not a native born american) didn't understand how i was feeling, she felt my pain because I cried like all the time and I just felt like I wanted to die. she didn't know how to tell me she was there for me but she tried, and she constantly lectured me, telling me that she didn't want me to leave her or my brother, because we really only have each other in the end.

I know that I agreed to get on meds and go through therapy but that really didn't help cause literally I overdosed on pain killers like two months later and had to get my stomach pumped, but I got a really good kick in the ass when my friend, currently my fiancé, told me that I still had too much to experience. he said, the self explanatory, it's gonna get better over time. I lost my job then too because they were insensitive and I quit university last year for a while because my mental health and state were more important. that's something you should consider doing as well because school can really stress you out.

tl;dr i went into a mental breakdown for several months of my life and now i'm better and you should try to keep your head up because it wouldn't be fair to people around you whether you notice it or not
so yeah um blah blah some stuff i'll probably bug you on skype later on to make sure you're okay if i'm not dying or something