it's tuesday now, i cleaned my entire flat from top to bottom and i now no longer wake up with a cough

Internet of Things, yay or nay?

i had company for the first time in very long and made good ass carbonara but forgot to take a picture
oops

anyway, i made it with:

• fresh tagliatelle

• half of a small onion

• two cloves of garlic

• guanciale (cured pork cheek, sometimes i use very fatty cured ham instead if the store doesn't have guanciale)

• extra virgin olive oil (pls use high quality oil, it matters a lot)

• high quality organic free range the most expensive egg (literally most important ingredient, don't cheap out)

• parmigiano-reggiano (actually calls for pecorino but i prefer pg)

HOW 2:

• BOIL THE FUKKEN WATER, SALT THE WATER WELL BECAUSE IT IS IN PART USED TO SALT THE FINAL DISH (MIGHT GOTTA ASK UR MUM FOR HELP W/ THIS)

• WHILE WATER IS HEATING PUT UR FUKKEN PAN ON AND CRUSH THE GARLIX WITH A KNIFE BUT DO NOT CHOP

• YOU WANT WHOLE CRUSHED CLOVES

• PUT OIL IN THE BITCH ASS PAN

• TURN ON THE HEAT ON THE PAN (MEDIUM HEAT DONT CARAMELISE THEM YET IT RUINS EVERYTHING)

• PUT THE GARLIX CLOVEX IN THE OIL REAL NICE LIKE

• CHOP THE ONION BUT PLS DONT USE TOO MUCH LIKE SERIOUSLY IT OVERPOWERS THE MEAT AND SAUCE SUPER EZ

• CHUCK THEM MOTHAFUCKAS IN THERE (U CAN CRANK DAT LIKE SOULJA BOY BUT ONLY A LITTLE & ONLY IF U LIKE UR GARLIC OIL LIGHTLY CARAMELLISED)

• IF WATER IS BOILING NOW IS WHEN U CHUCK IN THE PASTA, IF ITS NOT NIGGA FUCK YOU THIS IS HOW IT ALWAYS WORKS OUT FOR ME BUT I GOCHU WE CAN DO IT LATER (8 MINUTE PASTA)

• START SLICIN THE FUK OUT OF THE HAM (LESSER BITE SIZE CHUNKS ITS A MEAT NOT A FUCKING SPICE YOU IDIOT)

• 360 NOSCOPE THEM BITCHIN BITS IN THERE

• BY NOW THE WATER IS BOILING OR YOU ARE A FUCKING FAILURE, SLAM FUKKEN DUNK THE PASTA IN (6 MINUTE PASTA (THE FUCKUP IS USING DRIED TAGLIATELLE IDIOT I HOPE YOU PACED ACCORDINGLY))

• CHUCK IN THE PASTA IF U DIDNT EARLIER HOLY FUCK YOU R SLOW

• ＵＰ ＴＨＥ ＨＥＡＴ LIKE UR NAME IS VARG VIKERNES TO MEDIUM-HIGH+ (HIGH LIKE WIZ KHALIFA IF THE WATER WAS ALREADY BOILING WHEN IT SHOULDA BEEN, BITCH)

• DELETE GARLIC FROM PAN INSTANTLY AFTER THAT, NO SOLID GARLIC IN FINISHED PRODUCT (I USUALLY EAT THEM CUS IM NOT A FAGGOT VAMPIRE LOL)

• GO HITLER ON THEM SHITS THEY GOTTA GO PROPER BROWN BY THE TIME PASTA IS DONE COOKING

• GRATE UP THAT PG (PARMIGIANO REGGIANO YOU UNCULTURED SHIT DO U EVEN JERK IT 2 JAMES OLIO DI OLIVA(R)) LIKE A GOOD 3-4 LARGE TABLESPOONS IF UR POOR BUT I GO FUCKIN CRAZY W/ IT

• THIS STEP IS SUPER IMPORTANT AGAIN UR GONNA USE 3 EGGS BUT ONLY THE YOLKES OF 2 OF THEM

• BE LIKE A WHITE COP & USE A FORK TO BEAT THE FUCK OUT OF IT FOR BEIN ORANGE

• ITS DONE WHEN U THINK SHREKS CUM COULD KINDA LOOK LIKE THAT (LITERALLY JUST STIR IT WELL FOR LIKE 10 SEC)

• WHEN PASTA IS DONE REMOVE THE BTICHIN PASTA AND FRYING PAN( YES FRYING PAN TOO CANT U READ) FROM HEAT (TASTE WHILE COOKING TO CHECK FOR AL DENTE(THAT MEANS TO THE TOOTH IN GAY LUIGI WHICH SAYS IT GOTTA GOT MOTHA FUCKEN BITE LEFT)) AND GET PREPARED TO MOVE LIKE THE PROJECTS @ 5-0

• WHAT'S THAT? IT'S YOU SPLASHING THE HAM WITH PASTA WATER USING TOOL YOU USED TO FRY SHIT WITH IT DONT GOTTA BE MUCH YOU GOTTA BOOK-ACK THEM UNTIL THEY STOP COOKING. THIS STEP IS SUPER FUCKING

• IMPORTANT DONT POUR OUT THE PASTA WATER BEFORE THE PAN STOPS SIZZLING (STILL GOTTA SMOKE THO U DUMB FUCK) IT IS WHERE U GET THE SALT FROM

• SHOWER THE SHIIIIIIIIIT OUT OF IT W/ !!! FRESHLY GROUND !!! BLACK PEPPER GET A SPICE GRINDER U FUCK

• NOW POUR OUT THAT SALTY WATER LIKE UR WATCHIN CLANNAD AFTER STORY U CRYIN LIL BITCH

• PASTA. FRYING PAN. EGG+CHEESE.

• STIR TO COMBINE

• PLATE

• BLACKED.COM W MORE PEPPER

• SERVE

there is literally nothing wrong with highlighting people to ask them to play video games, also /query works well

live and let dick

kind of surprised i actually had the maths completely right for this, the +1 dick move was intentional

http://store.steampowered.com/app/368340

When's the last time you thought about your life and realised you're truly happy?

i know better than to actually politics on forums but in a democracy anyone has the right to vote for any candidate for any reason and there is zero right you have to complain about that