Perhaps, we're all here being extremely paranoid? I mean, it's basically mafia's main goal to sow the seeds of panic so we start killing each other without any rational reasons, while they're watching us killing each other as if we're on some sick show.
So, let's calm down and try to reason somewhat, that's my suggestion.

He seemed like a nice man, despite having that big curvy nose. I found out about him via one of those ads on one of the commieblock's wall, there was his number and the ad told that he can treat any personal problem for a reasonable amount of cash. Hmm, I even remember he mentioned solving someone's problem by "taking the man out of the picture". Maybe he actually followed me, but for what reason?

Damn it, I wanted to start a party here with you, guys, that's why I brought only one bottle of vodka. I've come here to start a completely new life free of my alcoholism that's been going on in my family for 11 generations. I knew I should've moved to Alaska. *sobs*

Blyat', why's that everytime I move to some other town there always happens to be a murder just before I set in? I-I-I-I'm afraid.

Yep, unfortunately, I'm из России. And, well, I didn't say it looks bad, but it's more like a piece ham rather than of bacon, despite it being the former, mostly because there should much more fat than this, imo.

They call this a """bacon""" here:

Fucking nuke my shithole, you can't even get real bacon here and I don't really wanna spend 2 hours of my time just to get to the city to buy some bacon.

Nah