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Too bad, all the diamonds have been tossed to the swines in lieu of pearls.
The original and not that king of thieves Aurelianus/Gilgamesh.
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That's exactly why I love ye.
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Because I wasn't made for loving you, baby.
Last edited by Hades Izanami (2016-08-17 22:42:10)
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Why don't you love me?
C'mere boi, lemme kiss ya.
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Who would want to receive a kiss from a fat fuck like you?
Last edited by enet (2016-08-17 22:46:07)
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proofs
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Who would want to receive a kiss from a fat fuck like you?
Your mother, for one.
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This is, my dear Aurani, a forum where you'll meet all sorts of morons.
Not just morons, also losers, weebs and bronies.
"Real women will take your cash then leave. A waifu will be your devoted partner for life" -B1rd
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im gay
dont worry me to
isitoolate
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Why don't you love me?
It's okay Mara, I love you like a brother.
Coming from me that's probably not a very good thing though seeing as I almost killed my brother once. :V
The original and not that king of thieves Aurelianus/Gilgamesh.
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"Lmfao at the catch n release a carp comment are you fking srs lady they are vermin and destroys our waterways you dont release them bk into the water to continue breeding af you kill them SMH no idea then stfu..."
Spot the american nigger who has about the same intelligence as the carp he was commenting about.
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Read my Katawa Shoujo fanfic while you're at it, Miki fans prepare.
▼Hidden text
Overall the writing is pretty good, and it was a terrific read. I especially enjoyed the details when Hisao striked at Miki's mouth, and would have like more of these rich imagery in the following mutilations. E.g. I slid my knife across her eyes , and two streams of white viscous substance streamed out between the two semi-circles in both of her eyes. Or an indistinguishable sound emerged from her larynx. From it I heard the heavenly sound of her larynx bubbling like blowing through a straw in a cup of water, through her red flowing bodily fluids while she desperately inhaled for breath" or something like that. As tupsu said, I'm a shitty writer, and I need an editor. Some helpful advice is that you could use more metaphors or similes to impress so readers could picture more easily the scenes. I also don't get the audience and the waiter's reaction because it was comically absurd, or maybe that's the point.
Last edited by Ambivalence (2016-08-17 23:28:11)
Don't use “thought” verbs too much: thinks, understands, loves, hates, and a hundred others. Instead of characters knowing, present the details that allow the reader to know them. Instead of a character wanting something, describe the thing so that the reader wants it. Only specific sensory detail: smell, taste, and sound.
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I used to write when I was in high school. It all started with a fanfic.
Then it got serious and I actually wrote a book that I refuse to publish.
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The only time I'm motivated to write stuff is when I'm horny
"...you are a neckbeard virgin loser who lives in his mum's basement. You are literally the worst kind of person and I'm not gonna bother replying to you any more or even acknowledging your existence in any way."
-- B1rd
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