ITT: Pretend we are still writing in osu! OT

Sync · ^

The only time I'm motivated to write stuff is when I'm horny

sonatora · ^

i wanna see that book

Sync · ^

Happy 200th post~

fittan · ^

Ambivalence wrote:

Koma wrote:
Read my Katawa Shoujo fanfic while you're at it, Miki fans prepare.
▼Hidden text
We promised a date this following Monday. I have ordered a table in a high quality restaurant, outside the house's terrace with an enthralling sight straight down to the ocean. I have requested a soundproof door closing all the sound coming out or in the inside restaurant, above and besides us we have atmospheric lighting and Chopin playing in the background. A menu which contains shrimp soup for appetizer and a tenderloin steak with garlic butter, baked potato and green salad made of the season's best ingredients for the main course. Drinks contains a glass of water and for the wine politics the fuckily expensive Jacques Selosse Initiale Blanc de Blancs should do. We will enjoy the tasty and soft shrimp soup at our own pace and once the main course comes to the table it will be my time to ask the important question. I will slowly observe as she penetrates the edge of her medium fried steak with her meat knife and scrapes the garlic butter between her fork and the bit she just cut. She will proceed inserting the bit in her mouth and this will be my moment, when she least expects it. I've had this small ring box kept in my left hand for a while now and I've been nervously waiting for my moment to make my proposal.
She has the bit in her mouth. Okay, now. I stand up and slowly, but strongly stomp my left hand including the ring box to the table. I bend my upper body closer to her and follow up with an elbow strike straight to her mouth. The fork the bitch was still gnawing on caused fierce damage to her tongue, gum and the top to bottom layers of her pharynx. Oh the vicious purling sound her vocal cords struggle to push through the blood running down all the directions inside her neck. I take her meat knife and slice her both eyes open, I take the steaks from our plates and stuff one in both of her eyes. The muscles around her eyes vibrate by a reflex causing the steaks roll both in different directions. Dear lord, she looks like a fucking cricket! I take the ring out of the box and tape it to the top of my cum moist pleasure limb. The ring has diamonds so it should cause a warm feeling of friction as I enter her throat and grind back and forth. It feels so good so I can't say what the hell's fucking inside there, I feel her tongue scar rags between the wrinkles of my foreskin and below the hook of my glans. Bending down the steaks to poke my balls as I hump her face was a creative and an effective idea for extra pleasure.
Now the body language is done and it's time to spit out what I have to say: "Miki, you mean everything to me. I love you from the bottom of my heart. Will you marry me?" There was a moment of silence, then she said: "Purll durlll". I did not understand so I took my glitterstick out of her mouth to hear what she had to say. "Pulrlrl rulrlr, rurululrl" she said. I noticed the ring has disappeared from my cock which must mean she has accepted my ring and proposal. What a joyful day. After mumbling viciously a while, she runs towards the door and starts clumsily slapping the soundproof windows. People inside the restaurant notice this and wave back happily. Getting excited aren't you, honey? I hit her spine with my knee, and throw her to the fence of the terrace, ass facing to my direction. She did not wear any pants, must be the force of habit from using her own body as currency and getting away with everything the most of her life. There's still some blood from her throat dribbling in my cock, so entering her batter hatch will be nice and easy.
I've spared an overdose of proteins just to fuck her today with maximum power. Her body feels kinda numb, so I get the feeling my protein savings are streaming down in vain. I slap her tits from behind and shout out "BITCH YOU AWAKE?!". No response, I broke two of her fingers and shout out again "BITCH YOU HEAR ME?!". Now I hear a "prrrllllllrhuhrll". Good, she is with me right on the moment of climax. I shoot our baby inside her, throw her on the chair, sit myself legs spread and lit a cigar. I feel worked out. Waiter steps inside the terrace and asks if we need anything. I ask him to take a picture from the two of us sipping the wine and enjoying the sunset. She's not very lively, I had to hold her glass and pour the wine down her mouth. That fucking negress cunt! That was gorgeous! this could have been a good memory! I told the waiter to take my tip and cum on her face.
I have suddenly had an urge to ask her a question: "Does my cum mixed with your own blood taste good?" I shove that precious hair clip of hers deep up her urethra and hang her up to the ceiling with her dress wrapped on her insanely strong legs. I beat her up till each one of her orifices explodes. She squeals with weak tone. praying for my forgiveness. "Does it feel good dear candy pie? Oh, Miki, it is your turn to please me, my passionate and creamy tooth brush is ready to demolish that negligible and useless little mouth of yours!" Suddenly a rain of golden cap comes down the direction of ceiling and I see a fountain of piss squirting from her disfigured ureter, spilling in various directions from the slots between her hair pin stuck in deep. What a dazzling view.. I can't take this anymore, I'm in heaven.. I'm coming!!
Overall the writing is pretty good, and it was a terrific read. I especially enjoyed the details when Hisao striked at Miki's mouth, and would have like more of these rich imagery in the following mutilations. E.g. I slid my knife across her eyes , and two streams of white viscous substance streamed out between the two semi-circles in both of her eyes. Or an indistinguishable sound emerged from her larynx. From it I heard the heavenly sound of her larynx bubbling like blowing through a straw in a cup of water, through her red flowing bodily fluids while she desperately inhaled for breath" or something like that. As tupsu said, I'm a shitty writer, and I need an editor. Some helpful advice is that you could use more metaphors or similes to impress so readers could picture more easily the scenes. I also don't get the audience and the waiter's reaction because it was comically absurd, or maybe that's the point.

stop.

Ambivalence · ^

fittan wrote:

stop.

OK.

Koma actually had a speck of talent in presenting the complete, vivid image of an action, and it would have been better if Koma hadn't rushed to omit the more physical details of Miki's mutilation, and Hisao's exhilaration. The dialogue is also laughably awkward and abrupt at the later phases.

But perhaps the subject matter was too disturbing and morbid.

Let's talk about something else, anyone a fan of the SCP Foundation?

Last edited by Ambivalence (2016-08-18 00:42:13)

Mahogany · ^

I bingeread the SCP foundation like...2 years ago? Quality of writing varied by a lot, but the well-written stuff was very good. I don't keep up with it at all, though, if it's still a thing.

Zelda · ^

Is it the year of the Linux desktop yet ?

Ambivalence · ^

I'm stuck in Win 10 because I still don't know how the fuck to install Ubuntu. Cortana is becoming this possessive clingy girl that can't be turned off(pun intended) or uninstalled.

Last edited by Ambivalence (2016-08-18 07:24:38)

SaigonAlice · ^

Hika wrote:

I used to write when I was in high school. It all started with a fanfic.
Then it got serious and I actually wrote a book that I refuse to publish.

Keep it that way sticky rice girl

Last edited by SaigonAlice (2016-08-18 07:53:22)

Hika · ^

Yeah don't want plebs really eyeing my work :-)
also I'm gonna work at Apple from now on so who wants a discount who lives in Atlanta, Georgia, US?

oh wait just me cause Americans aren't a thing on this forum cause they're generally retarded ):

SaigonAlice · ^

Okay fine. Publish it if you MUST just don't make it overtly racist or I'm going to organise book burnings (not the Nazi kind).

Anyway Adeline Yen Mah is a hack.

Hika · ^

it's super racist fam

SaigonAlice · ^

well then, looks like i'll be organising some awesome book burnings then

SaigonAlice · ^

and i'll tell everyone to STEAL them so you won't even get any profit

tupsu · ^

Zelda wrote:

Is it the year of the Linux desktop yet ?

it is always

Ambivalence wrote:

I'm stuck in Win 10 because I still don't know how the fuck to install Ubuntu. Cortana is becoming this possessive clingy girl that can't be turned off(pun intended) or uninstalled.

the only way you can be too dumb to install linux is if you've never installed a program before
then again I honestly wouldn't be surprised

SaigonAlice wrote:

and i'll tell everyone to STEAL them so you won't even get any profit

you wouldn't download a car

^ #12511 2016-08-18 00:07:41

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